D-League Swag: Bill..er..Henry Walker Maine Red Claws Jersey

Since his release from the New York Knickerbockers in April 2012 Bill Walker has played overseas in Venezuela and the Philippines as well as domestically for three different Development League squads.  He has also changed his first name to Henry, apparently because he got tired of being called Billy.  Tonight Henry returned to the NBA as a ten-day contract signee with the Miami Heat.  He rocked elaborate cornrows and played well, scoring 11 points including one monstrous jam.

Of course, Henry's athleticism goes unquestioned and has been known to inspire dance.  What has kept him from becoming an NBA mainstay is his limited skillset, in particular his inability to consistently knock down the outside shot.  But tonight he tossed in three of four from distance, so maybe there's hope yet for Henry.  If ever he is able to carve out a niche with Miami, or some other NBA team, it will be on account of his jumper, not his jumping. 

Henry's professional career began as a second-round draft choice in 2008.  He spent his rookie and sophomore seasons with the Boston Celtics and in 2009 became an assignee to the D-League expansion team the Maine Red Claws.  The Maine Red Claws are located in Portland, Maine, the city where I was born.  I grew up nearby and have spent the majority of my 27 years in Maine.  Naturally, I acquired a Henry Walker Maine Red Claws jersey. 

In order to acquire a Henry Walker Maine Red Claws jersey I drove to the team's headquarters in downtown Portland.  I explained to a team official I am a rabid basketball fan and avid jersey collector, and I sought the jersey of the most notable player from the most notable professional team ever from the Pine Tree State, where very little basketball of any consequence happens.  The team had a #14 Henry Walker jersey on hand but at a different location, so I waited an hour or two for them to track it down.  They gave me the letters W-A-L-K-E-R in an envelope.  I never did get around to having the letters sewn on.  I never did acquire a Maine Red Claws Ricky Davis jersey, either, and my failure to do so remains one of my foremost shortcomings as a collector of basketball things. 

Miami ought to trade Dwyane Wade to the Shanghai Sharks in exchange for Mike Beasley and make it a K-State reunion.

Become this JR Smith photo and conquer life

Men of Earth, please take a moment to contemplate this photo of JR Smith.  Just look at it.  Absorb the feeling it evokes.  Enter your perception of JR Smith's state of mind.

This is a photo of a man whose confidence renders him entirely unstoppable.  A man who possesses an awareness of his own power and invincibility, which is that of a mythical god.  A man who knows he personifies excellence.  A man with a comprehensive understanding of the Universe and his distinguished position within it.  A man whose greatness is second only to the greater greatness he himself is destined to achieve. 

This photo is a visual representation of what every man should aspire to see when he looks deep inside himself, an outward demonstration of the flawless ego.  Study it until it becomes instilled in yourself.  Become this photo of JR Smith and conquer life.